Pillow Talk
by shoplifterette
Summary: Hermione has a new boyfriend. But why is she hiding him from Harry and Ron? Beware of the silliness!


DISCLAIMER: Everything you recognise belongs to JK Rowling.

AUTHORS NOTE: This is an old story from me, I deleted it when I left fandom about a year ago. But now I'm into Harry Potter again and decided to load some of my old stuff up again. I hope you'll enjoy it. Beware of the silliness!

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With a satisfied smile, Hermione leaned back onto her pillow. She was completely exhausted. Her new lover was rather demanding in bed. Not that she minded that, on no. Not at all. A happy sigh escaped her lips as she closed her eyes in post-coital bliss. She had never ever thought it could be like that with a man. He was simply unbelievable.

Her bedmate gave a low growl as he pulled her towards him. "Don't move!" he demanded. Hermione happily obliged. She snuggled closer to him, lazily drawing circles on his chest. He was rather thin, she mused thoughtfully, but it was nothing a few good meals couldn't cure. And his skin was dangerously pale, she noticed absentmindly. Really, he should take a good vacation on the beach sometime. Maybe she could get him to take a few days off, so that he could work on his tan. But it was best to aprroach something like this slowly and sneaky – her lover didn't like people meddling with his private life. To be honest, he was a bit… dominant.

Even Hermione had to admit that her lover wasn't exactly the most beautiful person under the sun, though. But he was brilliant, he was a great lover and he cared for her deeply. What else could a girl want? She loved him, of that she was sure. And that was all that mattered, at least to her.

Ok, he didn't get along too well with her friends. In fact, they could easily be described as enemies. Hermione sighed miserably, she hated that she couldn't make the ralationship with her own Prince Charming public. She was so proud of him, so proud that she had been able to lure him into her bed and into her heart. As always, he seemed to know what was going on in her mind. "Don't worry about it. All will end well." he assured her with a quiet whisper.

Hermione shivered, his voice never failed to arouse her. Oh how she loved this man.

She looked up on him fondly, examining his face carefully. Only when he was with her he could be seen in such a relaxed state, Hermione thought proudly. And his eyes, she thought, they were most unusual. She could get completely lost in them for hours.

Her lover noticed her watching him and smiled slightly at her. Who would have ever thought he would end up with her? He pulled her even closer to him, a sudden wave of possesiveness flooding through his veins. He hoped they could one day be truly happy together. How he wished to make their love public. No-one knew about their deep friendship and their growing feelings for each other. Well, maybe Dumbledore had a clue. On the rare occasions he still met the ancient wizard he had noticed that the annoying twinkling in the old man's eyes had become brighter than a spotlight. One day, he even had the nerve to wink at him, for Merlin's sake!

Suddenly, Hermione froze in his arms. Bugger. He had heard it, too. There were voices coming from the living room. He growled menacingly. It was the youngest Weasley boy, he was sure of that. And the annoying brat _Potter!_ How dare they interrupt them!

Hermione sat up, panicking. "Go away, they mustn't find you here! Hide!"

"I am going to kill them, I swear I will. Now where is my wand...?" Hermione heard him muttering under his breath. She let out a shaky laugh.

"You wouldn't really do that, would you? Please, they are my friends, I want them alive, love. I would be very upset with you if you killed them. Now go, hide! Into the cupboard with you!" she said, pushing him towards said cupboard. He looked at her, pouting a bit. "If you insist."

Head held high, he vanished into the cabinet and closed the door behind him. Hermione let out a shaky breath, frantically searching for something she could wear. She grabbed a shirt from the floor and put it on just in time.

Harry and Ron opened the door cautiously. Ron peeked inside. Relieved that she was decent, he entered, Harry following soon after.

"Hullo, Hermione" Ron greeted, plopping down on her bed. "How are you?"

"I'm fine!" she squeaked, almost hysterically. She practically ran over to Harry to shake his hand. He looked at her oddly. She beamed at them, hoping they wouldn't notice anything. It simply wouldn't do for them to find _him_ here! "Why are you here?" she inquired.

Harry rubbed his forehead in annoyance. "Scar twitched again. Voldemort seems to be rather active these days." he grumbled.

Hermione let out a horrified gasp. "Oh Harry! That's terrible! Do you...do you know what he's been up to?" she asked him.

Harry stared at her. "No, I'm not so sure what's going on at the moment. He's probably just shagging Wormtail or something like that..."

A loud bumping noise could be heard from inside the cupboard. Hermione closed her eyes in horror.

"What was that?" Ron asked, clearly alarmed.

"Oh, that was probably just Crookshanks!" Hermione exclaimed, rapidly approaching a hysterical state. "I've locked him inside it, he was annoying me with all the purring and scratching!" she tried to send them a reassuring smile. _They mustn't find him!_

"Hermione!" Harry exclaimed, horrified. "You can't do that! Honestly you're acting weird these days." Slowly, he approached the cupboard.

Hermione jumped in front of it, squeaking in terror. "It's alright, Harry. Just leave him there. He likes it in the dark!" she shrieked.

Ron stood up and snorted. "You are complaining about house-elve slavery and lock your own familiar into a cupboard? Honestly, Hermione. You can be a bit of a hypocrite sometimes."

Harry took two steps forward and pushed Hermione aside. Resigning herself to her fate, she moaned quietly. Harry opened the door of the cupboard. As soon as the door was opened, he jumped back in surprise and let out a terrified scream.

A figure stumbled out of it and landed on the floor with a loud 'Thud!'.

Well, Hermione's lover thought. That went well. Mustering up the rest of his dignity he stood. He lifted his chin proudly while he tried to cover his privates with a pantyhose from his girlfriend. He flashed a dazzling smile at Harry and Ron who were still to shocked to utter a single sound.

That did it for them. Whimpering and wide-eyed, Ron fainted.

Harry on the other hand gaped at Hermione, then at her lover. "V...V...Voldemort, Hermione? But – how could you?"

Hermione, who had blanked out as the door had opened, came back to reality. Trying to make the best of the situation, she beamed at Harry.

"Harry, let me introduce my new boyfriend..." was the last thing Harry heard before he too collapsed in a dead faint.


End file.
